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"In a black church, people are constantly up under each other.You see two black men together, and it's the talk of the day." Conspicuously lacking is the use of the word "gay." "I don't think we had a word for it," says Tracy Jones, a straight black woman who works for the AIDS Taskforce.

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Add to that a gay community that doesn't always have the best interests of minorities in mind, and gay black men have everything to lose."I liked his spirituality," Underwood, 38, says of Toles."I liked the fact that we thought the same way, believed the same way -- or if we didn't, we weren't miles away from each other." Toles, 35, a computer technician and classically trained pianist with a neatly trimmed mustache and close-cropped hair, treasured Underwood's openness and sense of humor."He's very loving, very romantic, and honest about everything." The elders at Mt. Though the couple had taken pains not to advertise it, the church had gotten wind of the ceremony.About a month before, a church elder called Toles out of his pew during choir practice, escorted him to the office, and closed the door.

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